I am currently going through one of the hardest times of my life right now, and I want NOTHING MORE than to be left alone....

don't offer your condolences, don't offer hugs and smiles... just give me my space...

i just wanna curl up with cleo and cry for about a week or two... and i should be fine...

until then, don't text, don't call, don't IM, just let me be...

Labels: about me, past

Contrary to what you may think....


hahahahaha

Labels: about me, silly

Yep, it's true! I was born in the hood, I've seen my share of roaches and had my share of fried bologna sandwiches. Yep, I came from a family which BOTH parents were drinking, drugging and God knows what else, so I was raised by my great-grandmother until she passed away, then my grandma raised me. Yep, I LOVE baked macaroni and cheese, collard greens and I put Hot Sauce on EVERYTHING! Yes, I've smoked my share of blunts, and seen and felt a real gun. Yes, I use the "N" word when I talk, I LOVE Hip Hop (_WU-TANG FOREVER_) and my weave game is TIGHT!!! That being said...

DON'T LABEL ME AS GHETTO, there's SO much more to me than that.

Yep, I made the decision to move out of the hood after high school and go to college. I walked off campus 4 years later with a Bachelor's Degree, and I have a GREAT job at the Children's Hospital. Yes, my best friend is a "white girl", and my closest friends in college, MANY of whom I still speak to are white. Yep, I love to shop, shoes and accessories are my weakness, and I LOVE sushi. That being said...

DON'T LABEL ME AS BOURGEOIS (pronounced: buji, or booshie), there's SO much more to me than that.

Yep, I had my share of "relationships". Some very meaningful, some not. Some as long as 8 years, some as short as 1 night. Yes, I do possess a certain skill that can make a man's toes curl and ALMOST make him lose consciousness. I've dated thugs, criminals, and straight-laced white guys. I've had my heart broken, and I've broken a heart or 2 as well. That being said....

DON'T LABEL ME AS A HOE, because trust me boo, I am far from it.

So there you have it. There are so many aspects of me, so stop trying to fit me into a neat little category. Ok??

Labels: about me, dating, memories

Are you haunted by dreams of me too?
Do you reminisce about all the crazy fun times we had?
Do you regret those unnecessary arguments? Fights?
Do you remember how I'm EXACTLY 21 days older than you?
Do you remember how much your mom loved me?
Do you remember what "jack rabbits" we were?
Do you still remember what I look like?
Do you remember when you hid your "burner" under my couch and I grabbed it thinking it was my shoe?
Do you remember that bullshit smirk I would give you when you were talking trash to me?
Do you remember BUGGIN off of "It was Written", "The Infamous", "Ironman", and "Only Built for Cuban Linx?"
Do you remember how short I am compared to you?
Do you remember ALL those letters you wrote me?
Do you remember our song? I STILL can't listen to it without feeling numb...
Do you remember ALL those times I would visit you while you were locked up?
Do you remember when you made me cry?
Do you remember wiping my tears?
Do you remember when I made you cry?
Do you remember how I feel? how I smell? the sound of my voice?

Do you think I'll ever run into you again? I was just wondering....

Labels: about me, broken-heart, memories, poetry

"Every time I have a dream about him, the dream is different, but the precise is always the same..."

Rasharn was my first love, actually, he was my first for pretty much everything. I met him when I was 16. He was a thug, a STRAIGHT hustla who lived in Boston and me, I was a quiet, shy girl from the hood in Springfield. Long story short, while visiting family in Boston we met. It took awhile for cupid to "assassinate" me, but when he did, it was OVER. To say I fell head over heels is an understatement. I loved him with every inch of my soul... His street slang, drug dealing, block huggin ways, and my shy, virginal (literally), book smart, around the way girl "charm" was completely opposite but it worked! We often compared ourselves to Jay Z and Beyonce, especially seeing how people did not understand how the two of us loved each other so...

This relationship carried on for 8 years. Between fights, him doing time off and on, Rasharn and I tried to maintain what we perceived as a "healthy" relationship. About 4 years ago, I had a wake up call, and I abruptly ended things with him. I applauded myself for being able to turn my back and not cave in. It was so cold and calculated, which was something he truly wasn't used to. Now, I am being haunted by dreams of him... and when I dream of Rasharn, I can count on the fact that I am going to dream about him consistently for at least 2 weeks. In EVERY single dream, I run into him somewhere, and I say to him "I am so glad I finally ran into you and I'm not dreaming"... then I wake up. Once I realize I actually was dreaming, I am left with this gut-wrenching, empty feeling that I can not even translate into words. It KILLS me...

Sharnee, if you are out there, I guess I just wanna say, I stand by the decision I made, but I truly orchestrated it in the wrong way. With ALL we been through, I should have never turned my back on you the way I did. You taught me how to love, laugh and most important, you taught me how to toughen up. I am waiting for that day when I DO run into and I don't wake up in a cold sweat. I just want to know if you're ok and wish you and your son (who I recently found out you have) well. I remember when you said you didn't deserve me because you thought I was too good for you, but you were wrong. We BOTH made mistakes and we could have taken the time and effort to sort things out, but I took that option away from you. Rasharn, I will ALWAYS have a place in my heart for you, and again, hopefully you and I will cross paths, and when we do, it will TRULY be a dream come true.

P.S. Rasharn is indeed his real name, I decided not to change it. I am off to go to bed in a few... let's see what I dream about.

Labels: about me, beyonce, broken-heart, dating, dreams, jay-z, memories, music, wu tang clan

I am just a simple girl who is IN LOVE with a great song! I'm a bit messy, but I can top clean "just enough" to make my place look SPOTLESS! I am very shy, until I have my second glass of wine, or my first martini. I am a romantic at heart with a WILD imagination. I'm still working on my cooking skills, but in the meantime, I have officially been crowned the "Queen of Takeout". I LOVE to have a guy sleep in my bed, but I don't really like to "snuggle" while I'm sleeping (stay on your side, lol). A guy who can make me laugh is such a turn on. I LOVVVVVVVVE to kiss, there is something so intimate about it, and I do it SOOOO well. I'm kinda clumsy, but in a cute, trip-up-the-stairs sorta way. I love to have a guy lay his head in my lap, look up and just talk to me... and, my last lesson for the night is.... I love and envy a man with confidence....

Labels: about me, dating, love, men, relationships

So, I'm laying in bed reminiscing about Saturday night w/ Mr R. I truly had a good time and needless to say, I was "on"! I feel as though our "encounter" ended well the next afternoon (ha ha), and right now I am leaving the ball in his court. Since I've dealt with Mr. R in the past, I kinda know his M.O. when it comes to the "day after". I pretty much know I'm not going to hear from him right away. I am even at the point right now where if I don't hear from him in a week or so, I don't sweat it. I DO know that once he DOES come around, we have nothing but good laughs, good vibes, good food, good convo, good drinks, good "love", and good sleep after. But being 28, I feel like I'm at a fork in the road, should I be looking for something more substantial, or do I just kick back and enjoy the spontaneity of our reckless/fun engagements? I can almost say with confidence that this last visit impressed him as well.
He seemed quite different the morning after; more kind, more talkative, open (he even stayed longer than normal, watched football and had leftover Chinese Food for lunch)... it was nice and quite refreshing to see him in this different light. I truly wonder what the next few weeks will bring... I haven't heard from him since he left Sunday, but he left his hat.

Labels: about me, dating, men, relationships

Happy Sunday all!

I am extremely new to this, so please bear with me. Welcome to my blog! I feel as though I have lived a very animated, colorful, tragic, crazy-beautiful life, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts, experiences, moods, etc with you! PLEASE NOTE: I am not entirely sure if there is a "format" to blogging... with that being said, I expect for this blog to jump around a bit and be a tad bit erratic, unpredictable, spontaneous; a bit like me! So please, feel free to sit back and enjoy a day in the life of me, ŵù gamßina!
xo

Labels: about me