i'm spending the weekend with the rapper... and yes... i'm BUGGIN!





I'm a daughter, a grand-daughter, a sister, a cousin, an administrative assistant, a wu~tang fan, a lover, a fighter, a saint, a sinner, a bitch, a princess, a thug, a diva, a hustla.

I am loving, gentle, rough, sarcastic, funny, street, sassy, serious, charming, exciting, beautiful, smart, mean, adorable, selfish, precise, silly, sensitive, confident, experienced, strong, angry, sensual, happy, timid, & shy.

I am learning, struggling, fighting, tempting, reaching, teaching, leading, following, protecting, procrastinating, working, watching, reading, listening & growing.

I have soul, swagger, skills, strengths, weaknesses, triumphs, friends & enemies.





yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh






sigh.....

























While in college, I had a best friend and the two of us were inseparable! When we graduated, our friendship became even tighter! We hung out at least 3 times a week and got ourselves caught up in the CRAZIEST situations!! Yep, we were the millennium version of Lucy & Ethel.

I can't remember the details behind it, but she and I stopped being friends and at one point, things got pretty nasty. It was to the point that when we would see each other out, we'd cause a scene and have a shouting match in front of people. He hated each other and to this day I can not tell you why.

I thought about her recently, well, I actually had a dream about her the night of January 3 (both her birthday and the day I lost my brother and sister). When I woke up at 7am on Sunday morning, she was on my mind heavy, and my gut told me to reach out to her. I noticed she is on Facebook, so I sent her a note. I apologized for my actions years ago, and wished her a happy birthday and Happy New Year.

She responded today, very positively by the way. In a nutshell, she acknowledged we BOTH had a lot of growing up to do, not to mention how long it's been since we last talked. She brought up how close of friends we were and all the good times we had. She also mentioned that she had always had my back and she always will. She and her family are doing well, and she asked me to keep touch.

Long story short, I feel like a huge 7 year boulder has been lifted from my shoulders. It feels amazing to squash our petty 7 year "beef". I know that things will probably never be the way they once were, but hopefully she and I can remain friends and do a TON of reminiscing. I am SO happy I was able to swallow my pride and reach out to her. The only thing I regret is waiting so long to reconnect with her, but everything happens for a reason, and right now, the time was right. I'm so happy, and I look forward to a peaceful rest tonight, most importantly, I look forward to new beginnings with an old friend.





I am currently going through one of the hardest times of my life right now, and I want NOTHING MORE than to be left alone....

don't offer your condolences, don't offer hugs and smiles... just give me my space...

i just wanna curl up with cleo and cry for about a week or two... and i should be fine...

until then, don't text, don't call, don't IM, just let me be...

Labels: about me, past

Me & METHOD MAN!!!!!! Soooooooo unreal!!!

Thanks for this shot Mr. Mef!!!

Method Man Rockin the stage


Redman Doing the Same!!!


Me & my brother in the audience

This WHOLE night was BANANAS!!! The concert was so much fun, and most importantly, my brother had a GREAT time!

Labels: method man, wu tang clan

I have been thinking about this for awhile, but I DESPERATELY need a creative outlet! I am stuck between some sort of freelance/creative writing class or an art class. Here are a few of the course descriptions within the Boston area.

CREATIVE WRITING WORKSHOP: This workshop is open to creative writers at all skill levels and puts a strong focus on the practice of crafting scenes - the basic building block of short fiction, memoirs and novels. Motivated students will leave the class with a well-crafted, well-plotted scene that they can later expand into a short story or book chapter. Additionally, students will discover and hone writing tools, share in group workshops and develop a place for writing in their lives. An optional class blog will allow interested class members and the instructor to share thoughts between sessions. Please bring a notebook with plenty of paper or a laptop.

FREELANCE WRITING: Getting paid to write articles for newspapers, magazines, newsletters, and the web is simpler than you think -- not to mention fun, exciting, and potentially lucrative! If you have ever considered working as a freelance writer, then this is the class for you. Learn how to develop original story ideas, identify a market, and hone your pitches for specific publications. This class will teach you how to get the attention of editors and build relationships for long-term work. There will also be an opportunity to have your ideas and pitches critiqued. Previous class attendants have gone on to write for "The Boston Globe," "The Boston Phoenix," and other publications.

FREELANCE WRITING FOR THE WEB: Whether you dream of seeing your byline, earning extra money from writing, or boosting your pitch skills, this is the class for you. Writing for the web has many advantages for freelancers; there are more opportunities for beginning writers, and the more immediate timeline makes it a great way to build your portfoilio. Learn the stylistic differences of writing for the web vs. print, how to find and study writing markets, brainstorm for ideas, and write a compelling query letter to generate interest in your work. Whether you have existing writing pieces, or want to start completely from scratch, this course is appropriate for you.

POETRY WORKSHOP: Share your poems with an audience of dedicated peers in this workshop that began meeting in 1957. The time-honored tradition continues in an encouraging and inspiring environment for poets working at all levels -- from the beginner to the more practiced hand. Led by an experienced and published poet, Tom Daley, the workshop aims to create an atmosphere of encouragement, good humor, collegiality, and artistic rigor. Here is an opportunity to share and strengthen your poems, hone your voice and craft, and give and receive constructive feedback in community with other poets. Workshop includes weekly voluntary writing assignments and readings. Workshop participants should bring thirteen copies of a recent, short poem to share at the first class.

WATERCOLOR: Examine the fundamentals of watercolor painting, including basic approaches to color and value. Through a series of projects, develop your sensitivity to the medium, and begin to understand how to use the brush, paint, and paper to achieve the best results. Uncover the basic elements of composition, and use these elements as a foundation for your painting. No previous painting experience is required.

DRAWING: Working primarily in charcoal and pencil, explore contour, light and shadow, proportion, perspective, and composition while drawing from still-life objects and the human figure. Begin with simple drawing exercises, then advance to more finished drawings. Also, discuss drawing media and papers. Bring an 18- by 24-inch newsprint pad, an ebony pencil, vine charcoal, compressed charcoal, a hard eraser, and a kneaded eraser. The tuition includes a fee for models.

INTRODUCTION TO ABSTRACT WATERCOLOR: What is Abstract painting?
What is this concept 'Abstract' and how do we apply it in modern painting?
Most generally we take it to mean there is no recognizable image in the painting, yet even with no recognizable image there is still is the possibility to present balance, unity, dimension, and spirit and numerous other qualities. To begin to approach the concept of abstract we dig deeper into the fundamentals of painting itself. Fundamentals such as color, form, space, and dimension. Projects for this class will be based in phenomena and imagination and will include such themes as Green Storm, Frozen Light, The Sound in the Dark. The course will use watercolor as a medium, and we will focus on using spontaneity and transparency two of watercolors greatest attributes.

So there you have it! So any options! So many great classes! If I could, I'd take EVERY SINGLE ONE! I will keep you posted on my decision.





While trying to figure "life" out, I have been doing a lot of thinking. There are so many instances where I've said or heard people say "I regret doing that". The more I think about it, one should NEVER regret past decisions because at that time, it was EXACTLY what you wanted. Instead of looking back and wishing you could change things, it is better to look at that "experience" as something you could learn from. Don't punish yourself for going after what you wanted in the past... especially because things didn't turn out the way you expected. Instead, charge it to the game, let it make you a better person, and MOVE ON!

Labels: memories, past, relationships

Contrary to what you may think....


hahahahaha

Labels: about me, silly

With wings like mine, the sky's the LIMIT!!!

My beta-fish died today...

I had Kwame since September of 2006. I know he's just a fish, but I miss him so much! I got used to coming home from work, feeding and talking to him.

I wanna get a new beta. I plan to name him KwameII, or maybe Clifford Smith (Method Man's GOV NAME)... maybe I'll name him Wu-tang! We'll see, lol.

Labels: fish, method man, RIP, wu tang clan

Thanksgiving means different things to different people. I wanted to be sure to recognize all that I have to be thankful for this year. This little list was co-generated with the help of my grandma. Bubbie, I love you!

1. NEW JOB: On February 19th, I started a new Administrative position, working directly under one of the most prestigious Orthopedic surgeons in the COUNTRY! I am responsible for all his new patients (he has clients from ALL OVER the WORLD), his Academic career, Conferences, and everything in between. This job is by far the most challenging job I have ever had, and it is FAR from easy. Yet, I find huge reward in being chosen for the job, as well as the significant roll I play in their recovery. I can't lie, the pay is pretty good too.

2. NEW APARTMENT: On May 3rd, I moved into my first official 1 bedroom apartment! Last year, I was living in a crammed studio. Now, I have space, freedom, a living room (lol)! I am OBSESSED with my apartment! Sometimes on the weekend, I stay indoors and just relax. It feels sooooooo good to live alone. xo

3. FINAL PAYMENTS: Being from the hood, sometimes I have to obtain what I want/need outta life the only way I know how. When I got my studio apartment last year, I had nothing but a closet full of clothes and an ADORABLE little cat... I had no furniture. So what did I do? I leased a full bedroom set, a barset (my dining area was too small for a real kitchenset), and a laptop. When leasing, you usually end up paying MUCH more than the wholesale value of the item(s). Needless to say, I made a deal to pay approximately $5,000 over the next 2 years for my "things". I got my annual hospital bonus in October, and rather than go on a shopping spree, I paid off my contracts and now I'm FREE!!! I have an extra $400 a month in my pocket, and I officially own everything in my crib!

4. CONCERTS, CONCERTS, CONCERTS!: Three days before my birthday, I got to see Wu-Tang (yet again) in Rhode Island. The concert was inSANE!!!
I went to the Rock the Bells Concert and saw Ghost & Rae, Redman, A Tribe Called Quest, Mos Def, The Pharcyde, Pete Rock, NaS, De La Soul, etc. Folks, I was SOOOOOOO close, I got props from the Pharcyde and Tribe for screaming the lyrics!!!!!! I'll NEVER forget that night!!!

Next week, Method Man and Redman, and in January: WU-TANG CLAN MUDDAFUKKAZ!!!! Lemme stop, I'm getting ahead of myself, lol

5. MY FAMILY: We may not be the traditional idea of a family, but we are ALL truly blessed and support each other to the FULLEST! It is amazing the sense of security I feel when I talk to or see them. Even though I live 100 miles away, they are closer to me and mean more to me than those who are constantly in my face, lol.
My family consists of very, very close friends as well. Christine, Sharif (all the way in Australia) and a few more... I LOVE you guys with all my heart!

6. OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!: This one's pretty self explanatory, but if you DO need explanation, peep my November 4th blog.

So there you have it, these are the few things I am thankful for this year. Trust me, there is so much more I could name, but I'd be typing FOREVER. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there, and remember, be thankful for all that God has given you EVERYDAY, not just today!

Labels: apartment, concert, grandma, holidays, job, wu tang clan

He loves me as much as I love WU

For those of you who know me, yall know that's some KUH-RAZY, UNCONDITIONAL, NO BOUNDARIES, OFF DA RADAR kinda love! Wu-tang is my life, my soundtrack, my heartbeat.... so for someone to compare their love for me to that magnitude is really, really, special.

Damn, am I lucky or what?

Labels: australia, love

"Hello beautiful girl"

"hello"

"How are you doing? Hope fine i guess. It is my pleasure sending you this little line of mine and hope you can find it in your heart to reciprocate this lovely gesture. I am just like a little kid in the presence of sunlight when i look at the radiance of your beauty. In fact, you are magnificently sculptured and crafted next to angels and everything about you invite me to cherish you the more. I can see the true beauty of a real lady that you are and i feel you worth emailing. I thought we may share some similar interests and I would love to learn more about you.. I love to be fun and spontaneous and enjoy each day finding something joyful to smile about. Hope to read from you soonest and have a lovely day ahead of you."

"thank you"

"Thanks for the mail and i am very glad to actually read from you. Its really my pleasure to read this email from you and i hope that i will read more from you . here is just a brief about myself and i hope that you get back to me as well,i am a very down to earth with a great passion for life and i love to love and being loved.i am sincere, open inded, matured and above all,God fearing.. So, do not think i have it all cuz we are all humans ok..I want you to get back to me and let me know the kind of a person you are and what you are actually looking for so i may know if we can actually get started.I needed a sincere, matured,intelligent and trustworthy lady that truly know what he is looking for.someone that will make me feel great and make me feel like a complete..I basically believe,that trust is the foundation of great relationships and that the race of excellence has no finish line.I love to read but even more importantly i love to listen,because listening is by far the most important communication skill.I also believe that love is patient,love is kind.It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud.It is not rude and not self-seeking.It is not easily angered and it keeps no records of wrong.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. I need to meet a person with similar views to life.I would prefer to communicate with people in all walks of life.To end it all,i want you to please say something about you and your lifestyle.i can send you more picture of me to you via mail if you want it.have a great time and a beautiful day ahead of you."

I couldn't even respond after this second message he sent. I'm sure he just cuts and pastes these messages and sends them to all his potential "mates", but seriously, when is enough, enough?
Call me old fashioned, but I never really got into the online dating thing. Sure, I have a blackplanet, a facebook, and a myspace account, but I enjoy these for many reasons that have nothing to do with dating. Some examples include, reconnecting with old friends, as well as finding people all over the globe with similar interests (all my Wu-heads, STAND UP). It's quite often I get emails from guys who "display interest in me", but this previous post was a bit much for me. What do you think?

Labels: dating, men, online, relationships

The night of November 4 of 2009, our country elected the first African American President of the United States. I admit, once it was official, I cried hysterically.... no.... seriously.... I BALLED my eyes out. The tears couldn't stop flowing, I couldn't catch my breath, I just kept saying (or trying to say), "Oh my God". About a half-hour into my sob-fest (I'm not exaggerating either, I cried for about an hour straight), it hit me:

Those were 400 years of tears I cried. Those were the tears of my ancestors in Africa who were brought here against their will to be slaves. Those were the tears of my ancestors, who once upon the time only counted as 1/8th of a person. Those were the tears of my ancestors who were raped, beaten, lynched, burned, whipped, chained, sprayed with hoses, spit on, maimed and everything else you can think of while living in this country. Those were the tears of my ancestors who walked, marched, and protested for equal rights. Those were the tears of Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, JFK, and Dr. Martin Luther King. Those were the tears of my cousin who was brutally murdered for having a white friend. Those were the tears of my mom and dad, who had rocks thrown at them while pushing me in a stroller walking through a predominately white neighborhood. Those were the tears I cried when I was younger, thinking I was "second best" because of my skin color. Those were the tears I cried when my brother and I were called "niggers" while walking to the library on the corner Denver Street.


January 20th of 2009 is the day Barack Obama will be sworn into office. January 20th of 09 is also my birthday. I am planning on attending the Inaguaration with my best friend. I already know, I will most likely be crying again, but these tears will be a bit different. These are the tears I will cry when I am able to tell my children and my grandchildren "anything's possible". It will truly be the greatest birthday present I could EVER receive: the gift of equality, and the gift of knowing my ancestors did not die in vain.

God bless,
Wu Gambina

Labels: best friend, birthday, obama, politics

"Hopefully you will have the opportunity to watch your grandson from the Heavens while he leads our country in the right direction for the next 8 years."

I know the special bond between a grandmother and grandchild, and it's TRULY like no other. To think, this is the woman who not only raised your parent, but is now raising you shows much strength and determination to keep the family solid. I too have been raised by my grandma and she and I are the best of friends. Something about a grandma's love feels so assuring and unconditional, it's often difficult to transcribe into words. My thoughts and prayers are with the Obama family, and I hope that tomorrow will be a bittersweet moment for them.

Peace and Love,
Wu Gambina

Labels: grandma, obama, politics

Nothin better than listening to this with MAXIMUM volume on an early Sunday evening...


This song is SO true... DAMN! Have I been there! PREACH ON Vivian!


The guitar riff in this song is SOOOO haunting, it gives me GOOSEBUMPS! I luv this song dearly!

Labels: jill scott, music, sade, vivian green

I'M GIVING UP WINE COLDTURKEY....

This is gonna be SOOOO difficult for me. In the past year, I have taken on a new job that has been a tremendous challenge for me. I love this job, but it requires SO much from me, and I find myself needing to display characteristics I thought I didn't have (i.e. assertiveness, firmness, authoritarianism, etc). I'd find myself leaving work emotionally exhausted, but with my mind racing uncontrollably at the same time. Happy hour with my best friend or with co-workers seemed to be a great "moment of serenity" and a great way to shake off my work stress. Somewhere along the line though, drinking began to shift from social fun to a vice. On payday, I'd be sure to hit up the local Liquor store and stock up on Beringer like there was a hurricane-a-comin. There would be days where I'd be at my desk at work thinking "Damn I can't wait to get home and pop that cork, I deserve it today"!

Looking back, I feel it would be best if I just fall back and learn to cope with my "struggles" without the wine. Going to work with a slight headache and dehydration on a regular basis is NOT as fun as it sounds. Besides, most importantly, although "my wine" does give me that "fuck-it" attitude and helps me fall asleep, I still wake up to the same struggles as well as problems I have to deal with and solve both inside and outside of work. I've also noticed a bit of weight gain which is ALL the more reason to chill (I lost 20 pounds in the past year and a half, and I think I've gained 10 back, not good). I'll still be game to hit up a Happy Hour now and again, but I'm gonna be the (corny) girl drinkin the Cranberry Juice rockin her BIG-OLE cheesy smile!
So, goodbye Beringer, thank you for the memories, the laughs and the headaches, but I think moving forward without you will be best for me.
Thank you for reading, I will keep you posted on my progress
xo

Labels: best friend

Labels: obama, politics

It's Sunday afternoon, and this song is on repeat... It's strange, because while listening to this right now, I have that warm, "butteries in my stomach" feeling, you know, the feeling you get when you meet someone for the first time that just blows you mind? That's kinda how I'm feeling at this moment... it's kinda strange, I wonder what it means...

????????????????????????????????????????????

Labels: common, love, music

Check it out, yesterday was my father's birthday and he came up to Boston from Springfield just to spend it with me! My father is TRULY and inspiration: he had a ROUGH battle with drugs (and is 11 years clean.... thank you very much) and for the most part has been VERY lucky! He's been robbed, shot at, locked up (for petty stuff), and God only knows what else. Again, he is now clean, and is sincerely one of the most amazing, funny, silly, strongest people to grace this planet.

Yesterday, we got our grub on (I had sweet and spicy shrimp with rice and a salad, he had baked haddock with rice and a salad, and we split some shrimp quesadillas), and went bowling. We had so much fun.... he won the first game, I won the second (he wasn't too thrilled with that, lol).

Anyway, here is a playlist I'd like to dedicate to him... it's just a couple songs that are his jams.... check it out, you'd be surprised at some of the stuff he listens to, lol. So folks, get your do-rags, your tims, your bell-bottoms, and kick back and vibe off a few good tunes.

Happy Brithday Daddy! I love you to pieces!

Labels: alexander o'neal, birthday, common, daddy, drugs, george clinton, isaac hayes, james brown, jay-z, kanye west, kool and the gang, music, ohio players, one way, the o'jays, wu tang clan

Since when did it become an aspiration to be a man's "Baby Momma" or "Bust it baby?" Whatever happened to wanting to be someone's other half, or someone's wife. Ladies, hear me out, you are setting yourselves up to be disrespected when you see yourself as nothin more than some niggaz "jump-off"! Then, when he cheats on you, or some other chick calls you, YOU have the nerve to be upset, hurt, disappointed, let down, even surprised. Well, if you don't see yourself as anything more than a "bust-it-baby", then why should he?

I inspire to be so much more than just some niggaz "main chick"... feel me? I'm trying to build a future. I'm trying to carry myself respectively, so my children have a solid foundation to grow on. I inspire to be loved unconditionally... I inspire to be, me.

Labels: cheating, dating, men, relationships, women

As you may be aware from reading a couple of my past blogs, lately I have been struggling with a difficult decision I made in my past. This decision caused me to lose someone who was VERY dear to me. While reflecting on my past actions and wishing I handled things differently, I suddenly had an epiphany... I CAN NOT CHANGE THE PAST! I truly can not continue beating myself up for my past actions, all I can do at this point is learn from them, and allow them to make me a better person; daughter, grand daughter, sister, lover, friend. Rather than second guess my actions, I can use the experience to think rationally before making future decisions. Most importantly, I realized rather than sulk and mourn about who I lost, I should use that energy to cherish and value those who are CURRENTLY in my life, and demonstrate my affection to the fullest. So, to all my friends and family: I want to say thank you for listening to me and for providing an outlet for me to vent. I love you all and I will be sure to take the time to show it.
With that being said, I will forgive my heart for my past decisions and move forward with my "romantic life" (which is currently a work in progress, stay tuned)!
<3 Peace & Love

Labels: broken-heart, dating, love

Remember how much we LOVED Faith?

Folks, I NEED SOME FREAKIN CLOSURE!!!

Labels: dating, faith evans, memories, music

I just got a call from a New York cell phone, but I was on the phone with my BF in Australia and didn't click over...

Was it you?
CALL ME BACK!
xo

Labels: dating

This is what I was listening to before I went out to meet Christine this afternoon. We went up to the North End (Little Italy) for some Pizza, shopping, and "sight seeing". Today was SERIOUSLY the perfect day for it!

Labels: best friend, linkin park, music, pizza, shopping

1. Pookie (my dad)
2. Pookz (all the way in Aussie)
3. Bum Bum (again Aussie)
4. Pookie-Bear (yet again, Australia)
5. Smiley
6. Shorty
7. Sharty
8. Relish
9. Nikki (my middle name is Nicole)
10.Mogwaii (like the cute gremlin)
11.Boo
12.Wu Gambina
13.Witty
14.Ms MeF (Method Man's wifey, lol)
15.Dimples
16.Hollywood
17.Babygirl
18.Rell
19.Sunshine
20.Teddy-bear or Teddy (from across the pond)
21.Chipmunk Cheeks
22.Princess

I'm sure there's MUCH more, but that's all I could think of off the top of my head!
xo

Labels: australia, daddy, memories, names

Check out my boy Common featuring Pharrell...
Universal Mind Control

80's sound with a futuristic feel to it... it's BANANAS!!

Labels: common, hiphop, music

Yep, it's true! I was born in the hood, I've seen my share of roaches and had my share of fried bologna sandwiches. Yep, I came from a family which BOTH parents were drinking, drugging and God knows what else, so I was raised by my great-grandmother until she passed away, then my grandma raised me. Yep, I LOVE baked macaroni and cheese, collard greens and I put Hot Sauce on EVERYTHING! Yes, I've smoked my share of blunts, and seen and felt a real gun. Yes, I use the "N" word when I talk, I LOVE Hip Hop (_WU-TANG FOREVER_) and my weave game is TIGHT!!! That being said...

DON'T LABEL ME AS GHETTO, there's SO much more to me than that.

Yep, I made the decision to move out of the hood after high school and go to college. I walked off campus 4 years later with a Bachelor's Degree, and I have a GREAT job at the Children's Hospital. Yes, my best friend is a "white girl", and my closest friends in college, MANY of whom I still speak to are white. Yep, I love to shop, shoes and accessories are my weakness, and I LOVE sushi. That being said...

DON'T LABEL ME AS BOURGEOIS (pronounced: buji, or booshie), there's SO much more to me than that.

Yep, I had my share of "relationships". Some very meaningful, some not. Some as long as 8 years, some as short as 1 night. Yes, I do possess a certain skill that can make a man's toes curl and ALMOST make him lose consciousness. I've dated thugs, criminals, and straight-laced white guys. I've had my heart broken, and I've broken a heart or 2 as well. That being said....

DON'T LABEL ME AS A HOE, because trust me boo, I am far from it.

So there you have it. There are so many aspects of me, so stop trying to fit me into a neat little category. Ok??

Labels: about me, dating, memories

It KILLS me that right now, McCain supporters are accusing African Americans of voting for Obama just because he's black. It's as if they feel we have no grasp on politics, world issues, the economy, health care, etc. McCain supporters actually believe we are looking past the issues our country faces, and are voting primarily based on skin color. But I ask you this... what about all the "supporters" out there who are NOT voting for Obama just because he's black? Can't we accuse them of not looking at the situations our country will be facing the next 4 to 8 years?

Silly me, I thought racism ended in the 60's (I'm being a bit sarcastic if you couldn't tell). And as for the gentleman on the motorcyle sportin that shirt (Just in case you can't read it, it says "Nigger Please, It's a WHITE house")... walk through Compton wearing that shirt... or Altanta... New York... Jersey.... Boston.... Chicago wearing that shirt. You do that boo, THEN I will respect you (actually, no I won't).

Labels: mccain, obama, politics

Are you haunted by dreams of me too?
Do you reminisce about all the crazy fun times we had?
Do you regret those unnecessary arguments? Fights?
Do you remember how I'm EXACTLY 21 days older than you?
Do you remember how much your mom loved me?
Do you remember what "jack rabbits" we were?
Do you still remember what I look like?
Do you remember when you hid your "burner" under my couch and I grabbed it thinking it was my shoe?
Do you remember that bullshit smirk I would give you when you were talking trash to me?
Do you remember BUGGIN off of "It was Written", "The Infamous", "Ironman", and "Only Built for Cuban Linx?"
Do you remember how short I am compared to you?
Do you remember ALL those letters you wrote me?
Do you remember our song? I STILL can't listen to it without feeling numb...
Do you remember ALL those times I would visit you while you were locked up?
Do you remember when you made me cry?
Do you remember wiping my tears?
Do you remember when I made you cry?
Do you remember how I feel? how I smell? the sound of my voice?

Do you think I'll ever run into you again? I was just wondering....

Labels: about me, broken-heart, memories, poetry

Officially deleted from myspace and facebook. Sorry, boo, but I can't deal with the immaturity.
L.I.P. (Live in peace)

Labels: dating

CLASSIC song from Sade, just listen to the words and you'll see why... her music is TIMELESS and astonishingly poetic. She bares the gift to capture my emotion and portray it through song. I simply worship her!



It's not that complicated, but you're gonna need a BULLETPROOF SOUL...

Labels: music, sade

Labels: music, sade

"Every time I have a dream about him, the dream is different, but the precise is always the same..."

Rasharn was my first love, actually, he was my first for pretty much everything. I met him when I was 16. He was a thug, a STRAIGHT hustla who lived in Boston and me, I was a quiet, shy girl from the hood in Springfield. Long story short, while visiting family in Boston we met. It took awhile for cupid to "assassinate" me, but when he did, it was OVER. To say I fell head over heels is an understatement. I loved him with every inch of my soul... His street slang, drug dealing, block huggin ways, and my shy, virginal (literally), book smart, around the way girl "charm" was completely opposite but it worked! We often compared ourselves to Jay Z and Beyonce, especially seeing how people did not understand how the two of us loved each other so...

This relationship carried on for 8 years. Between fights, him doing time off and on, Rasharn and I tried to maintain what we perceived as a "healthy" relationship. About 4 years ago, I had a wake up call, and I abruptly ended things with him. I applauded myself for being able to turn my back and not cave in. It was so cold and calculated, which was something he truly wasn't used to. Now, I am being haunted by dreams of him... and when I dream of Rasharn, I can count on the fact that I am going to dream about him consistently for at least 2 weeks. In EVERY single dream, I run into him somewhere, and I say to him "I am so glad I finally ran into you and I'm not dreaming"... then I wake up. Once I realize I actually was dreaming, I am left with this gut-wrenching, empty feeling that I can not even translate into words. It KILLS me...

Sharnee, if you are out there, I guess I just wanna say, I stand by the decision I made, but I truly orchestrated it in the wrong way. With ALL we been through, I should have never turned my back on you the way I did. You taught me how to love, laugh and most important, you taught me how to toughen up. I am waiting for that day when I DO run into and I don't wake up in a cold sweat. I just want to know if you're ok and wish you and your son (who I recently found out you have) well. I remember when you said you didn't deserve me because you thought I was too good for you, but you were wrong. We BOTH made mistakes and we could have taken the time and effort to sort things out, but I took that option away from you. Rasharn, I will ALWAYS have a place in my heart for you, and again, hopefully you and I will cross paths, and when we do, it will TRULY be a dream come true.

P.S. Rasharn is indeed his real name, I decided not to change it. I am off to go to bed in a few... let's see what I dream about.

Labels: about me, beyonce, broken-heart, dating, dreams, jay-z, memories, music, wu tang clan

Needy men are like....

Seriously, I see them coming, and I run in the other direction... With that being said, don't be surprised when I not longer answer your calls, I've said all I have to say...

Labels: dating, men, relationships

He hit me up recently to "declare his interest". I KNOW it's gonna crash and burn, but what can I say, I love a "gangsta"...

P.S. He's a rapper in one of my FAVORITE HIP HOP groups! If it really is him, it should be an interesting adventure...

Labels: dating, hiphop

What the hell is wrong with "boys"? Please note, when I say boys, I'm not talking about real men who know what they want... I'm talking about immature guys who misrepresent themselves as "grown men". I just don't get it. Guys ALL the time a dogging women out for being gold-diggers, indecisive, easy, independant, prude, etc., but let's take a step back and REALLY look at the situation for what it's worth.

Remember my friend Mr. L? The guy who took me to the Via Matta (an expensive Italian restuarant)? Well, now, since he took me there, he thinks he owns me. Now, I am supposed to be ready at his beckoned call to just "be avail".... it only took him 3 days to point it out. He and I went out on the Thursday, that weekend I went away to visit my grandma and dad, and by Sunday, the following was in my inbox:

"WHERE IS THE LOVE>? take you on a dateski, and then no love, for "Mr L", i even tried talking to you since then and called you and all that. now im gonna cry. :-( "

Ummmm... I talked to him that Friday morning, and I let him know that I was gonna be 100 miles away visiting my family. Plus, I can't even remember how many times I said thank you, and I really was very appreciative!

With that, I decided maybe I will return the favor and take him out to one of my favorite restuarants, he won't let me, because he doesn't want me to pay. Instead, his suggestion was I take him to Wendy's... WENDY'S!!!! WTF!!!!!! The irony of this whole story is, he didn't even pay when he took me out a few weeks ago, it was a COMPLIMENTARY DINNER FOR TWO!!! But I guess by making the decision to sit down and share a five course meal with a friend, I sold my soul to the DEVIL.... the immature Devil, which is actually worse than the real one (because he has a Wendy's fetish apparently).

Labels: dating, men, relationships

Nothing serious... just talking a bunch of smack... but the point is, he called, and I only had to wait 6 days! I STILL have his hat too (which I made it a point to remind him, lol), let's see when he will come by to pick it up.

Labels: dating, men, relationships

I have learned the hard way, that a woman's heart was mechanically built to withstand and absorb PAIN... it's TRULY my greatest strength, and my strongest weakness...

Labels: dating, love, relationships, women

I am just a simple girl who is IN LOVE with a great song! I'm a bit messy, but I can top clean "just enough" to make my place look SPOTLESS! I am very shy, until I have my second glass of wine, or my first martini. I am a romantic at heart with a WILD imagination. I'm still working on my cooking skills, but in the meantime, I have officially been crowned the "Queen of Takeout". I LOVE to have a guy sleep in my bed, but I don't really like to "snuggle" while I'm sleeping (stay on your side, lol). A guy who can make me laugh is such a turn on. I LOVVVVVVVVE to kiss, there is something so intimate about it, and I do it SOOOO well. I'm kinda clumsy, but in a cute, trip-up-the-stairs sorta way. I love to have a guy lay his head in my lap, look up and just talk to me... and, my last lesson for the night is.... I love and envy a man with confidence....

Labels: about me, dating, love, men, relationships

I don't know what my problem is, but lately, all I wanna do is SLEEP!!! Is it the cool weather? Am I lacking some Vitamins? I GOT nothin!!

Well, I have a date tomorrow with Mr L. We're going to a lecture and then a fancy shmancy Italian restaurant. Mr L is 5 years younger and can be a bit "flaky", but we'll see what tomorrow evening brings. No worries, nothing intimate, just good times and probably plenty of laughs, besides.... Mr R still has to come by and get his hat (haha)

Labels: dating, men, relationships

I just wanted to introduce you to my roommate, my Schmoopie, my Cleo!

I got her at the MSPCA in October of 2002. It took awhile for us to bond, but now, we are 2 peas in a pod! Here's a pic of her being extremely cute! (one of the things she does best)! Right now she is in bed with me sleeping soundly, and I think I'm about to join her, GOODNIGHT! xo

Labels: cats, cleo, love

So, I'm laying in bed reminiscing about Saturday night w/ Mr R. I truly had a good time and needless to say, I was "on"! I feel as though our "encounter" ended well the next afternoon (ha ha), and right now I am leaving the ball in his court. Since I've dealt with Mr. R in the past, I kinda know his M.O. when it comes to the "day after". I pretty much know I'm not going to hear from him right away. I am even at the point right now where if I don't hear from him in a week or so, I don't sweat it. I DO know that once he DOES come around, we have nothing but good laughs, good vibes, good food, good convo, good drinks, good "love", and good sleep after. But being 28, I feel like I'm at a fork in the road, should I be looking for something more substantial, or do I just kick back and enjoy the spontaneity of our reckless/fun engagements? I can almost say with confidence that this last visit impressed him as well.
He seemed quite different the morning after; more kind, more talkative, open (he even stayed longer than normal, watched football and had leftover Chinese Food for lunch)... it was nice and quite refreshing to see him in this different light. I truly wonder what the next few weeks will bring... I haven't heard from him since he left Sunday, but he left his hat.

Labels: about me, dating, men, relationships

Happy Sunday all!

I am extremely new to this, so please bear with me. Welcome to my blog! I feel as though I have lived a very animated, colorful, tragic, crazy-beautiful life, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts, experiences, moods, etc with you! PLEASE NOTE: I am not entirely sure if there is a "format" to blogging... with that being said, I expect for this blog to jump around a bit and be a tad bit erratic, unpredictable, spontaneous; a bit like me! So please, feel free to sit back and enjoy a day in the life of me, ŵù gamßina!
xo

Labels: about me